Amanda's guide to empathy and self-knowledge

"Once you really know your heart, it’s like life gets quieter."

and

Sep 15, 2025

is a true force!!! Her voice is opinionated, clear, and distinct from any other writer I’ve met on this platform. She writes the Substacks

Certified.

and

Underlined.

about literature, writing, and human passion. I am very excited to share her cheat sheet with all of you.

CHEAT SHEET is a series that unveils the objects, rituals, habits, places, and secrets that make life better. It’s like the blue-lined paper you’d make for yourself with all the formulas, tips, and strategies for an exam.

AMANDA’S CHEAT SHEET

1. Mini Pieces.

I’ve been writing a bunch of mini pieces lately (I’m releasing one every Friday on Certified) and not only has it improved my writing and my writing habits, but it also improved my ability to see life the way it is, messy, imperfect, absurd, frightening and still find it the most beautiful experience I’ve ever had the opportunity of participating in. I’ve written about my relationships, how writing feels like jogging sometimes, about how much women are badass and beautiful, and many more. I absolutely love to sit down and just write about how funny life is. How much of a gift it is, how much I love to be here. I’ve seen so many pieces and essays talking about consumerism and glorifying it and associating it with living your life “the right way” that I wanted to do the exact opposite. You can live a way fuller life without all that.

Everyone should write some small little piece on life and its circumstances once in a while, you’ll really find yourself discovering how much small things are actually so important and meaningful. The world is filled with meaning, and writing is definitely a way of discovering it.

2. Empathy!

I think my biggest dream ever is to write a book about how complex human beings actually are, because I find that so scary and fascinating at the same time. As an example, when you go through lots of traumatic experiences, you find yourself looking back and being like: “Oh my God, how on earth did I survive?!” And the answer might never be satisfactory to you, you might never understand why that happened to you or why you acted the way you did, but you give yourself enough empathy to move on. I think that giving as much empathy as I gave myself to other people actually improved my life overall.

In the internet age, empathy lasts for about two seconds, and you can only give it to people who fully agree with you on everything you say. People are often divided into “Good” and “Bad” which I honestly think denies the whole concept of growth and also denies HUMANITY in such a way.

I don’t want to be annoying but also being annoying (oops) I am SUCH a Mina Le fan, loved her Cheat Sheet so much (that’s why I’m shaking while writing this) and her video, ‘the public spectacle of cheating’, made me think about the complexity of human beings and with that being said, we are SO hard on other women! So giving the empathy I received from my support system to go through traumatic experiences I’ve had in my life back to other women who went through the same thing but had no support whatsoever has improved every aspect of my life. How lucky was I to be able to log off and process (and receive support)? I often think about that because people can be so cruel to women, especially online, and it’s hard to get up and get stronger from that without any support. As I’ve said before, you should live your truth, embrace your mistakes, try to grow from them, don’t beat yourself up, treat others with kindness and respect, Don’t do to others what you don’t want to be done to you, it’s not a crime to fuck up (unless it is).

3. Having conversations with my writer friends!

Writers are always interesting people (could be good or bad), but Substack writers are something else. I can never emphasize enough how much you can learn from them. My friends are so connected to themselves and to the world and having all sorts of conversations with them has been so healing. I can feel their love from miles away and I can feel how much they care about the craft of writing and that is always beautiful to witness.

It’s also great to have friends who write for the same platform as you because you share wins, you can collaborate with them, you share struggles as well and it brings you closer, it builds a kind of creative camaraderie that’s hard to find elsewhere. I love these people so much. I cherish all the conversations I’ve had with eve, julianna salguero, erifili gounari, Caroline Beuley etc. My platform has made me have the opportunity to share conversations with these brilliant women and I’ll always be SO grateful for that. This Cheat Sheet is an example of a collaboration I’m VERY proud of.

4. Learning to have confidence in your heart.

Everyone talks about confidence like it’s this thing you unlock when you finally find the “perfect cleaan girrrll outfit” or learn how to do your eyeliner evenly on both eyes (still working on that one). But lately, I’ve been thinking about confidence in a totally different way, a way that has everything to do with knowing myself more.

Once you really know your heart, it’s like life gets quieter. You stop asking, “What would they think if I did this?” and start asking, “Do I even want to do this?” Or “What if they say I’m [blank] turns into “I know myself. I am not (and never was) blank. This isn’t my heart.” And then you just do things you want to do for so long (or don’t do things you’re not really comfortable with) with way less guilt. Decisions feel lighter.

When you’re not busy shape-shifting to fit every version of yourself that other people have dreamed up, you actually have enough energy to show up for people and to actually love people as the real you, and having them love you back is the best feeling ever. It makes me believe in humanity. Love is actually everywhere!!!! You have to find it in yourself first to see people embrace who you really are afterwards.

Meditating everyday has helped me to find that place within myself. I love it.

5. REDISCOVERING THE LYNCHVERSE!!!

As a Certified David Lynch LOVER (no pun intended), rediscovering every single one of his masterpieces and everything about them (soundtracks, books, etc) has made me such a happy person! He always spoke to me through his art, and revisiting his work feels like reassessing a part of myself I’d forgotten when I left my adolescence behind and started my adult life. Every frame, every strange and beautiful moment reminds me why I fell in love with storytelling in the first place. David Lynch is still brilliant and I’m still that nerdy kid.