How will we remember Yale?

GRAD HOC: 40 reflections from the class of 2025

On Monday, I graduated from Yale with a degree in Cognitive Science. I cried the entire long weekend. It’s hard to describe the mixture of emotions, but it’s something like gratitude, tenderness, disbelief, and fear that life will never feel the same again. (Though it probably will, in another form.)

This letter is a time capsule of the moments we shared, the kind of magic that can only exist on a college campus, where the days are wide-open and you know everyone that passes you on the street.

Grad Hoc is a collection of 40 friends’ reflections on college, friendship, discovery, joy, regret, and growing up. A place to return to.

The GRAD HOC prompts are…

• I’ll miss…

• I hated…

• A lesson (or two) I learned

• Something I wish I’d done

• Regrets

• What I would tell my freshman year self

• Shoutouts, extra words, etc.

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First, a temperature check.

How do you feel about graduating?

(1 = so sad I wish I could stay another year; 10 = excited to start my life get me out of here)

What are your postgrad plans?

Ok! Now let’s get into it.

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Cami: The first warm day of spring when everyone sits outside

Emma: Being near all my friends. And Willoughby's coffee.

Lula: the people i've grown to love and how easy it is to see them!

Eli: social proximity to everyone I love!

Jude: My apartment, Mecha, Starr, my runs to east rock, and all my favorite people

Nico: Basking in the sun on XC!

Mateo: having all of my friends within 15 minutes combined with the time there is to see each other

Jackson: Living a block from everyone I care about

Diza: my favorite people in a 20 min walking radius

Zack: Walking over to a quick bite at the cafe next to my apartment; watching someone I admire speak on campus; sitting on cross campus during a sunny day. And I'll miss the professors that have had such a lasting impact on me.

Anaiis: my girls

Fran: How to even narrow it down? :( One thing I will miss is that vague warm feeling I got, without fail, right after classes were over for the day. Maybe I’m getting coffee, and it's still 2pm or something, and the whole day is just kind of sprawled out in front of me. And it’s a day here! And all my friends are doing the same damn thing. And it’s just a matter of time before we’re doing it together.

Sage: the constant live music

Kenny: walking down the street and waving hi to a friend, an acquaintance, or lowk a stranger

Chris: Living 5 mins from all of my friends

Sarah: the light on beinecke plaza, those brief gold moments of fullness, evading time for hours and days in grey matter bookstore

Andres: My friends from different years who are still on campus

Anita: my teachers

Sami: Just the proximity to friends and the free time.

Carigan: Obvious answer but living in a city with all my best friends… the walks around campus that feel so familiar I don’t even have to look where I’m going and the fact that I will run into a friend without fail if I’m out and about … it just makes the community and warmth here feel so tangible and ever present. I don’t think this is at all the end of fun or socialization in our lives but it is definitely going to get logistically harder

Khelan: leis+laughing on a study break with luther friends

Jacob: The people I speak to only twice a semester but love nonetheless. There are people I admire from afar who have made my Yale experience so special. I know that these people will likely not be the ones I stay in touch with - that saddens me.

Isa: The less-than-50-step distance between my apartment and those of at least 10 of my closest friends. Borrowing things and hanging out will never be this easy again...

Leo: Waving to people I don’t know well on the street.

Grace: I will miss all of the passive time I spent with my friends. By “passive” I mean time together spent studying, eating, running errands, and all the things I assume I will do alone more in my adult life.

Pranava: my college community; knowing every face that I walked past in the dining hall and the buttery, even if I didn’t know their names

Josephine: living in context of other people — we share a world, space, and common moment

Ellie: My living room that people would circle through

Dean: The uncanniness of life on the East Coast: people breathe different air here. I breathe differently here.

Rachel: The first warm day of spring when all of Yale gathers in a sea of students on Cross; it would feel like someone cast a spell of ease and giddyness across campus. Early mornings before class when the sun would flood my living room with light, and late nights sitting in my roommate's bed debriefing the day. "Couple's dinner" with Arden's apartment, cooking or eating new dishes and telling stories.

Naina: Harkness bells

Ore: I will miss the low level of responsibility at Yale

Iva: Running around Oxcam barefoot and being 5 feet away from my best friends.

Arden: Long, late dinners where time passes so quickly and no one wants to get up, the hour before the party starts, East Rock, birthdays.

Anonymous:

• Living so close to all my friends and probably late night alpha delta curly fries with a side of buffalo sauce.

• Running through East Rock and grabbing Elena's ice cream

• My house, my best friends, and our porch

Cami: People being performative on cross campus, mothers beef brisket

Emma: Arriving to things late/Stuff not starting until 30 min to an hour after the start time

Lula: how much time do we have...

Jude: Discussion posts

Nico: The bad music at yale parties

Jackson: Sundays

Diza: those damn QRs

Zack: There were a lot of students in our grade. Sometimes, though, it didn't exactly feel that way.

Anaiis: The panopticon

Fran: The calendarification of social life. And the hustle and bustle of things in general. It was definitely a tonal shift from the pace of my life before Yale, when I was back home in Mexico. What do you mean you can’t get lunch until next Wednesday? You are 19 years old. If we all touched grass for one second together, magical things could happen.

Sage: the suffocating social web by second semester of senior year

Kenny: the stress

Chris: Wealth distortion, LEO dance monkey day, seitan sandwiches in the dining halls

Sarah: overpriced snacks while drunk at gheav, tense evenings in dim dining halls, waking up with small and chilly regrets

Andres: How fast these last 4 years went

Anita: economics classes

Sami: Honestly nothing.

Carigan: Being exhausted and burnt out… I don’t feel like there was ever a moment at Yale I was truly bored and that's because there’s always so much to do and people to see. I felt a lot of decision paralysis throughout my time here too— so I’m looking forward to hopefully feeling a bit bored post grad and having more of a routine because I did NOT have many here

Khelan: Bank account hurting

Mateo: How small the school felt at times and how that created a place where everyone felt entitled to know everything about your life

Jacob: Dating. People at Yale are so idiosyncratic that they are simultaneously incredibly interesting and fucked up. I have learned so much from my romantic experiences at Yale, and it’s totally a lie to say that I’ve hated it, but it was definitely tumultuous.

Isa: Closeness to everyone is a blessing, but being available nearly 24/7 did get tiring... especially as someone who is very easily persuaded to join plans

Leo: Secret society tap process

Grace: I hated the listing culture of the party scene. I wish Yale had more social spaces/houses so less weekends were dictated by a couple heavily listed frats.

Pranava: the pressure to make use of every opportunity that became within my reach after I got into Yale; for instance, I would never have considered banking or consulting (and I still don’t intend to) but I felt immense guilt and pressure when I chose to not go down those paths, purely for the strange sense of sacrifice involved

Josephine: having to open a college gate while carrying a lot of stuff

Ellie: Lists for parties and formals

Dean: the equivalence between alone time and failure

Rachel: I lived on High Street with my living room and kitchen facing the street. Every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night of the last two years I heard the frats blasting music into my windows all night. There were nights I was so annoyed by it, but I assume now that I'm graduated I might miss even that. Maybe it was nice to hear that some people were out having fun till what seemed like the crack of dawn.

Naina: No swipe access to residential college libraries

Ore: Unfriendly people

Iva: Hierarchy and caring about "coolness"

Arden: People who claimed a moral high ground when we were nineteen years old and group chats creating real-life social boundaries.

Anonymous:

• TD dining hall, I went once and didn’t have the best time. (No hate to those in TD)

• Trudging up science hill for a lab class

• The lack of quick healthy food around yale...

Emma: 1) work life balance is soooo important 2) your friends are the best gifts Yale will give you

Lula: set your boundaries and stick by them :p different but related, you need to listen to your body when it's telling you to rest.

Eli: expressing affection for loved ones is important! friendship is at some level just a mutual belief in that friendship

Jude: Better to have the courage now than save the regret for later

Nico: You can learn something from anyone you talk to, and procrastinating is almost always worth it

Diza: how to comfortably be friends with people more accomplished than you in any respect! celebrating ppl who slay in a world you know nothing about

Zack: I learned that being self-sufficient is EVERYTHING. Complaining, or delaying things that need to get done shows weakness. And I learned that there is no greater feeling than being surrounded by people you truly love.

Anaiis: 1) You cannot earn love from people who don't want to give it. 2.) Beer + liquor really does make you sicker.

Fran: 1. At Yale, ghosts are real. Four years in a haunted house. I think living in such a storied place has gifted me with a greater appreciation of the past and how it shapes us as individuals and members of a community. It’s in the cracks on the walls of our buildings, or coarse brushtrokes at the YUAG, or – most of all, maybe – in the thoughts of the people that inhabit these walls. In language itself? Elena Ferrante said it more succinctly: “Words are full of ghosts and so are images.” 2. Self-centeredness often comes from an excess of self-consciousness. It’s easy to lose track of the present moment when you’re too busy framing yourself in it. Often times, the moment that is lost when we do this is enormously beautiful.

Sage: privacy is a virtue, ask questions and make people feel included — it’s never in your best interests to be exclusive

Kenny: (almost) always choose to show up for your friends

Annie: how to fail and how to quit!! tbh under appreciated skills

Chris: That it is actually okay to not be the best at everything. Average (or below) is cool too

Sarah: 1. follow your instinct 2. fight your instinct

Mateo: A bad day fades in memory and emotion at an incomparably faster rate than a good one. Take the shitty moments and move on so you can enjoy the good stuff

Andres: You can always be having fun, and you probably should be

Anita: a good friend or two will change your life! People have so much to offer; it's humbling and I'm so grateful

Sami: That when we graduated the only memories I really had were the ones with friends and nothing about academics at all. So I guess the lesson was to always put effort into my friendships because that is what I end up remembering and missing.

Carigan: To love openly and without any hesitation, to surround myself with genuine people, and also to not overthink — most things aren’t as deep as people make them and when you realize the world doesn’t revolve around you and people usually have good intentions it makes it so much easier to just be confident in who you are and secure in your friendships

Mason: (1) Say yes to everything, you never know what or who can change your life (2) Be outside ... Friendships and connections don't happen in your room

Khelan: Everyone is curious about something. This place allows us to do whatever you want whenever

Jacob: Stop living in pursuit of something else. In high school I spent so much energy trying to get into a good college that I was plainly miserable for all of it. In college I quickly fell into the same trap trying to find a job. The realization I slowly had over the course of the last few years is how destructive this “goal-oriented” mindset can be. The obvious problem with treating your life, and more accurately your time, in this way is that sucks all of the wonder out of life. Appreciating things for their own sake becomes nearly impossible when your energy is tied to a future accomplishment. The problem, of course, is that it is also incredibly affective. It’s hard to shrug the feeling that you should be working towards a goal because a) you are probably very good at it if you’re at Yale, b) everyone around you is doing it, and c) choosing not to do it is characterized as at best being “lost” and at worst being lazy. I’m scared that the allures of this in-pursuit lifestyle are strong enough to take over my life if I’m not careful. I hope me and my peers can remember that a truly meaningful life can only be lived right now, here in the present, not in the land of our future successes.

Isa: 1. Nobody is thinking about you that much! At a normal party or naked party or in the library or if you’re eating alone in the dining hall. And if they are, they probably have a crush on you. 2. If you own a camera you can make money veryyy easily

Leo: Take a mental step backwards to appreciate how formative the little things in life can be.

Grace: Always have confidence. People can tell when you’re confident and it makes them like you more. Also, always treat people with kindness/empathy even if you don’t like or understand them. Buying into group think (especially in a small community at Yale) can be really hurtful.

Pranava: things turn out okay, grades and academics matter but only for yourself

Josephine: The harder times have made me so much more appreciative of every single happy moment I have here. Everything does in fact work out the way it’s supposed to.

Ellie: Don’t compare yourself to others

Dean: SHOOT ON GOAL

Rachel: There is never a straight or simple answer to anything. Enthusiasm will make you a smarter, better, and more interesting person.

Naina: You can basically do anything in a week

Ore: It’s ok to change your mind. Do what you like not what people tell you to do. Talk to your friends if you have problems with them, do everything in moderation (alcohol, weed, shrooms)

Iva: Use the resources around you -- from your friends to librarians to professors -- they make life fuller and better.

Arden: Putting up walls doesn’t make you strong or keep you safe, letting them down does. Vulnerability is precious and necessary.

Anonymous:

• Definitely time management, although I am still not the best. Focus your time and energy on people that make you happy and feel seen

• Advocate for yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help

• Have confidence in yourself and your work

Emma: Ran more or joined a club sport

Jude: Danceworks & get Yale funding

Nico: I think it’s a time to be less self-serious and I didn’t learn that until like junior year LMAO

Anaiis: I kinda wish I'd gone to the poker club just once.

Fran: I think the best way of putting it is I spent a lot of time living and not a lot of time writing it down! I'm excited to hunker down and puzzle through exactly why the last four years feel like such a gift. I wish I had taken more pictures.

Sage: gone to east rock…

Kenny: dj earlier tbh, been sayin I would since hs so lowk flopped there

Chris: Take a CS class

Sarah: made more cakes, found more rooftops, closed my eyes and breathed

Andres: Maybe some type of performance-based activity

Mateo: Connected more with my professors

Anita: tell ppl when I had a crush on them

Sami: I don’t think so.

Carigan: Hosted more dinner parties !

Mason: Be outside more (didn't take my own advice), go to plays, events, etc

Khelan: Written more for myself

Jacob: I wish I made more things. I used to create so many silly projects before college. Yale is such an awesome place to build stuff and I barely used any of its resources.

Isa: I wish I had learned a new language, a new instrument, how to make something in the CEID, pottery

Grace: I wish I had spent more time choosing my classes, especially at the beginning. I don’t think I would’ve taken most of my freshman year classes knowing what I know now. I also wish I spent more effort going outside. I didn’t realize the New Haven area had pretty nature until I was an upperclassman, but the beaches in Branford, the trails outside of the city, and East Rock are all beautiful places I wish I spent more time in.

Pranava: I wish I had remained intentional about making friends from the beginning to the end. I never caught on to it freshman year and grew into it sophomore year, but then it stopped for me. Perhaps because of the weirdness of junior year overall, but nevertheless, I found myself sad often because of my passivity.

Josephine: tuib

Ellie: Joined more clubs

Dean: Became true friends with a professor. Only senior year did I begin to see how easy it would've been to traverse the line between student and equal.

Rachel: Gone to more sports games. Besides the Game, I went to one women's basketball game across all four years.

Naina: Go to the SSS roof while it was still open

Ore: In freshman and sophomore year I wish that I took more classes just because I was interested in them

Iva: I wish I had started doing research earlier. It became such an important part of my own academic and personal journey…also never got around to sex in the stacks.

Arden: I wrote a senior spring bucket list and didn’t do any of it: eat an original hamburger at Louis’ Lunch, kayak in East Rock, visit the Divinity School, go on a rooftop, watch a movie in the Yale film archive.

Anonymous:

• Taken a course in photography or sculpture

• Gone to a naked party

Cami: Taking some things too seriously and some things not seriously enough

Emma: Not using mellon forum funding... or like the Branford travel fellowship... there's so many opportunities at Yale to get funding to do cool things. While I did a lot, I still wish I had tried for a few more trips and cool experiences!

Mateo: Hard to say given the way everything builds on each other to form the story of my four years which is a tale I’m beyond grateful for

Nico: Picked the wrong major should’ve done art double low key

Zack: I regret being so hard on myself, and being so anxious. Things could've been much more fun if I had let college take its course. Life is full of decisions; I've learned to trust my gut more than I did at the start of my college years.

Anaiis: I’d like to think not.

Fran: not sliding down the DJ pipeline. or starting a shitty band :(

Kenny: not start it with a LDR from hs oops (she was great tho! just logistically wat da hell were we thinking)

Chris: Not being more forward

Sarah: every step has brought me right here

Andres: I regret nothing

Anita: never!

Sami: No regrets

Carigan: Worrying too much about what people thought about me, especially early on

Mason: I regret not getting more involved with campus community earlier on ... Society was the first time I felt connected to the larger campus community

Khelan: Not dating more consistently

Isa: Not having joined Danceworks earlier, not befriending a professor, not having shared more of my writing

Grace: I regret not putting more effort into reaching out to other people in my college during my first two years. I love my friends in Franklin so much, and I know there were so many other people in my class that are so amazing and I wish I got to know them more!

Pranava: I wish I hadn’t bought into the idea of Greek Life (as much as I enjoyed it) as an opposite to what being a good student meant. It took me a while to realize that Yalies are composites of many selves. Not pushing myself academically further; taking harder classes in areas I am not going to pursue and the like. Really wish I took Evolutionary Biology.

Josephine: Letting a few negative interactions at the beginning of freshman year psych me out about making friends

Ellie: Not trying harder on my grades

Dean: My dad passed away my sophomore year. To have a regret is to wish things played out differently, but life does not work that way.

Rachel: I wish I had started writing fiction earlier.

Ore: Not telling someone I had a crush on them lol

Iva: Going out when I was sick freshman year and staying sick for four months.

Arden: Going to bed too early, before the secrets are told and the dancing is no longer self-conscious.

Anonymous:

• Not staying in touch better with friends after we moved off campus and being intentional about making time to see them

Cami: Credit D chemistry !!!

Emma: Just enjoy first year! No need to stress about school/work/life when you're just only starting to get to know college and the people around you. Take your time.

Lula: girl trust yourself. i.e. don't get swept up in everyone & everything so fast

Jude: You are going to have some of your highest highs and lowest lows but trust that it will all be okay. Everything will make you a stronger, kinder, and more mature human being.

Nico: Let yourself go crazy earlier! Everyone at Yale is wrapped up in themselves anyway

Diza: u are so annoying!! but over time you will become a real person, with dreams and trials and an appreciation for everything in between

Zack: You'll meet friends that you'll know for a lifetime. You'll get into that class that sounded really cool when you first heard about it. Sometimes it was just as great as it sounded. Other times it wasn't so great. You won't really make time to watch TV or read. Oh! And be warned –– the horrible weather actually will impact your mood.

Anaiis: I'd tell her that her female friends will carry her through everything, trust them and trust yourself.

Fran: Burn the skinny jeans. Love a little harder. Go to your DS lectures. Stop pretending you’re enjoying math at Yale.

Sage: I’d tell her that freshman year is not the pinnacle of her time at Yale, far from it. I’d tell her to say yes to everything, to trust her gut, and to quit vaping lol

Kenny: fuckin breathe dude

Chris: Not getting into edon will be good for you

Sarah: it’s the first day of the rest of your life

Andres: The next 4 years will be some of the best times of my life (up to that point)

Anita: don't be so angsty parties are fun

Sami: To keep meeting new people because it sucks when you meet someone senior year who you could have been great friends with.

Carigan: Make shit happen. Don’t wait on other people to make exciting plans or wait for every single person in a group to be free. Plan adventures and fun dinners and cute friend dates and just get out there and do it with whoever is also game!!! You can make your life feel exciting and bring new friends together just by bringing the excitement and good energy

Mason: Get out of the student-athlete bubble.

Mateo: Go to that Mt. Joy concert

Khelan: Double major in English

Jacob: Spend less time with people you don’t admire. I think the party scene at Yale often put me in the same spaces as people who didn’t value being kind to others. I often set aside this concern because as long as they were nice to me, I could convince myself they were good people. The obvious but scary truth is that the more time you spend around people like this, the more you become them. There are so many ways in which senior me is a better person than first-year me, but sometimes I wonder how my time spent with these negative people has rubbed off.

Isa: There will be countless endings and beginnings. This is inevitable. All you can do is love, mourn, celebrate, cherish, anticipate, remember, feel every single one of them!!!

Grace: You may feel lonely now, but that will be so temporary. Before you know it you will be having so much fun.

Pranava: You will be proud of yourself and you will have regrets. Put yourself out there, and grind it out.

Josephine: you have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen. it’s not just college, it’s also being 18-22, which is insane. ride the ups and downs and keep your head up — have fun along every way and just embrace this chaotic and beautiful stage of life <3

Ellie: Don’t try to demand fairness, just move on if something feels unfair or you’re feeling undervalued

Dean: Strangers will become soulmates, enemies will become lovers (...), and right when you think you know who you are, you will become someone else. Lean into this.

Rachel: Recently I was talking to my friend Zoe about how we take the good when we leave Yale and leave the bad. We take our friends, knowledge, dreams, and successes, and leave the failures that seemed to loom over certain days or weeks but quickly fade into obsolescence. So to my first-year self: take your failures lightly on the chin, and focus your energy on the bounty of joy that you'll take into your life after Yale.

Naina: The friendships you want will find you!

Ore: Take more risks.

Iva: Slow down and enjoy it. It flies by.

Arden: The love you’re looking for is all around you, in long windy walks down Prospect street, gatorade delivered to your room when you’re sick with the flu, Sunday brunch in Franklin when the doors open at 11am.

Anonymous:

• Try new things and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. I feel like I have been so lucky throughout my time to here because I have met so many people from different corners of Yale.

• Spend more time with your friends, don't sweat the little details so much, and don't be afraid to keep making friends even after freshman year

Lula: shoutout being a student as a full-time job! what a privilege it is to learn while being surrounded by people you think are so smart and cool.

Nico: Love you Arden and love ad hoc tbh🤞🏼

Jackson: Yale sucks because it constantly pulls you out of the present moment. But when you’re not reflecting on your life story for the eighth time or worrying about your summer internship, it can be pretty good.

Diza: i feel relieved that i made the right choice. <3

Zack: Arden and I took this class together during the first semester of college. We used to have lunch afterwards, twice a week. We ate the same thing every time: squash pasta. Who knew those lunches would be so important to me, all these years later. Sometimes magic can unfold over a dining hall lunch, and then, four years later, you're left realizing it's really those small, mundane moments that end up being the most meaningful.

Anaiis: big shouts to DJ Deenz DJ CryBaby and Nothing New !!! I <3 you A

Fran: Would be remiss if I didn’t shout out Maria Kerime Giacoman Lozano, my #1 home-slice and a person who has been by my side since the age of 11 all the way through our college graduation. She’s so smart. She’s so hot. She’s so kind. I just love her a lot.

Sarah: better to be kind than be right

Mason: Best of luck to everyone!!!!

Grace: Shoutout to Benjamin Franklin College housing for giving me my two best friends forever. Chela, you changed the way I think about the world, and have helped me become a braver person. Arden, sharing a wall with you for four consecutive years has been such a gift. You are my favorite person to laugh with. Home is wherever we’re together. <3

Pranava: Shoutout to the newsletters at Yale. I will be able to remember you by your writing, and even though this is parasocial, it means a lot to me to remain in touch. I wish people lived on campus all four years. I wonder what Yale could have been like, if so.

Josephine: shoutout to the history gurls groupchat - there would be no thesis without u <3

Dean: Thank you Arden Yum for making our college experience fuller, wordier, and tastier. Yale would not have been the same without you.

Rachel: Shoutout Arden, our de facto class historian. I don't keep a diary, so I know I'll return to these 24-25 Ad Hocs over years to come to reminisce and laugh.

Naina: Shoutout couples dinner

Ore: FOUR MORE YEARS FOUR MORE YEARS

Iva: This place is so magical and amazing. The people here are so full of wisdom and kindness and wonder and it makes every day feel like a fairytale.

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I can’t imagine a more perfect place to have spent the past four years. Thank you Yale, for giving me friendships I will cherish forever, and teaching me that life is full of possibility—all you have to do is open yourself up to it.

And thank YOU, for reading. This is the most fun I’ve ever had.