34 life lessons from my friends at Yale

"None of my favorite memories from the past 3 years occurred in a classroom."

May 13, 2024

Hi. I turned in my last paper on May 8, so I am officially done with my junior year! The time flew by—I feel like it was just August, and I was moving into my first apartment. Now I’m back home in New York, writing this in my childhood bedroom.

This week’s newsletter is very special. I present to you…the Ad Hoc Yearbook.

I asked my friends to respond to prompts about the past year. I have neatly compiled the answers of 34 people below, in alphabetical order (I did a lot of singing in my head). The ADHOC categories are A lesson you learned, Did a lot of/didn't do enough of, Hated, One thing you've quit, and Couldn't live without.

This letter is a celebration of the school year, friendship, and the practice of looking back, combing through, and choosing what to preserve. I hope you enjoy!

A: A lesson you learned (in class or outside of it)

Amanda Lawless: Boundaries to your personal wellbeing are so important in maintaining relationships.

Andres Rincon: Always advocate for yourself.

Andrew Cramer: My closest friends will be there for anything, and it seems like they will be forever and I love them for that.

Arden Yum (me): You can make time for anything you want to do. And if you can’t, you might not want to do it that badly!

Ariel Kirman: Ultimately, the library is a social space.

Dean Farella: None of my favorite memories from the past 3 years occurred in a classroom.

Diza Hendrawan: Sometimes the way someone compares you to others will make you feel special and small (you will feel both at the same time).

Dona Ekwalla: On an octopus, each arm has its own mind basically and operates independently.

Everett Yum (my brother): A lesson I learned is that getting sick is often avoidable, just the habits to stay healthy are hard. I was probably sick 10 times this year.

Grace Aitken: Call your parents and grandparents often, they’re probably right.

Isa Alvarado: People will leave, the work will get done, and the trees will become green again. Feel all of the big and little things intensely but be picky with what you allow to consume you.

Isabel Leka: Regardless of what people say, honesty is always the best policy.

Iva Knezevic: Saying yes to an adventure (a party, a long drive, a crazy public dance) will usually open your mind, even if you don’t like it.

Jackie Rossi: Gut feelings are real and always right.

Jude Sack: With the caveat that I think I’m still learning this: failure is inevitable and maybe I should embrace it? We’ve grown up in an education system that instill in us a fear of failure. Good grades = good student = good college = good life. If you take risks and make mistakes, you’re punished. Isn’t that how we initially learn as children (e.g. a kid touching a flame). Isn’t that what makes life exciting and liberating?

Kyra Siegel*: How to use a fucking Steenbeck machine!!! 16 mm editing 😏

Lauren Hartz: Wanting to want something really badly can’t make you want it.

Leo Gordon: At the end of the day, one or two hours of fun will never worsen the quality of my work.

Lidya Demilew: I can’t force myself to half ass something I don’t want to do unless it’s a clear means to an end.

Mason Shipp: Relationships are everything…make sure you spend time investing into the people around you, that’s what ultimately matters.

Ore Adeogun: No class is that difficult, just work hard from jump.

Paola Santos: Man plans, and God laughs. Alternatively, God plans, and man laughs. We must have all taken our funny pills… how lucky that we laughed at all.

Phaedra Letrou: This semester, I took a class that delved into a wide range of solutions to address climate change. Prior to this course, my understanding of the topic was quite limited, but the class provided an in-depth exploration of various strategies to combat climate change, significantly broadening my knowledge and perspective. Although some of the information was sobering, it was invaluable in understanding the complexity and urgency of the issue.

Pranava Dhar: The NYTimes won a Pulitzer in the 30s for their underplaying of the Ukrainian famine — and that citation is still in their office.

Rachel Shin: Cynicism is sabotage! There is more love, community, and unexpected wonder in the world than we’re conditioned to expect, but we have to trust that it exists.

Toby Salmon: I forget whose but I was reading a substack a little while ago and there was this quote (excuse the profanity) that stuck with me: “People forget that being a genius in one way doesn’t exempt you from being a dumb fucking idiot in others.” At the risk of sounding arrogant, I feel like I have both embodied and seen that duality of excelling academically and lacking intelligence in many other categories this year. It’s like that Walt Whitman quote that everyone is always quoting, “I am large, I contain multitudes.”

William Hin: Good travel buddies have to really get (understand) you.

Zack Hauptman: Confidence is key. And it comes from within. Everyone says fake it till you make it and I always rolled my eyes and thought it was sort of BS, but it’s not! It turns out that telling yourself that you feel good really does in fact make you feel good. Looking for validation from others is a fantastic way to make yourself feel terrible, so better to exude good energy instead of search for it from others.

D: Did a lot of/didn't do enough of

Amanda: Did a lot of SELF REFLECTION didn’t do enough of GOING OUTSIDE.

Andres: This year I made it a thing to not make plans on Sunday. I simply just left my room and took on whatever the day gave me. These were some of my funnest days this year.

Andrew: Did a lot of going out to bars with my buds.

Arden: I didn’t stay up late enough.

Ariel: Studying to both.

Beck Lorsch: The Anaya two roll dinner special.

Dean: Defining social media as time spent with others (parasocially or otherwise), I didn’t spend enough true time truly by myself.

Dona: Did a lot of talking, and didn’t do enough cooking :p

Everett: I did a lot of introductions. Of course that’s a part of freshman year, but it’s unexpectedly jarring to have so many chances at a first impression. Nobody knows who you are.

Grace: I don’t think I did enough branching out socially! When I joined society I realized that that was the first time I had really talked to new people my entire junior year. Senior year I want to prioritize getting to know new people. I also don’t think I did enough cooking (especially nearing exams). I hope next semester I host more elaborate dinner parties.

Isa: I did not spend enough time completely alone this past year. Some things are special when you’re by yourself (the movies, a meal at a restaurant, etc.).

Isabel: Didn’t do enough arts and crafts.

Iva: I watched Sex and the City with my roommates, Ellie and Chris, as much as we could in the last month of school. We had many absolutely earth-shattering laughs on that couch.

Kyra: Did a lot of theater and bartending.

Lidya: I did not get enough of spontaneous plans with friends this semester.

Mason: Explore Yale. Go to shows, galleries, and see all of the great things all of your peers are doing. Something I’m making a goal of this upcoming semester.

Ore: Did a lot of writing.

Paola: Did a lot of scarf-wearing, big chair-writing, caprese sandwich-worshipping, & “It looks like California outside”- commentating. Should’ve watched more movies!!! Despite the Bow Tie closure of it all!!! New Haven winters call for warmer days on screen.

Pranava: History for the first time at Yale — realized I should have been a double major

Jackie: Did a lot of debriefing. I live for a Sunday morning kiki.

Jude: I cheffed up. Phad thai, miso carbonara, Mecha’s edamame, and spicy peanut pumpkin soup were a few of my favorite dishes from the semester.

Rachel: Didn’t do enough experimenting with my interests.

Toby: I played “Among Us” with my suitemates most nights this year. I didn’t call my parents enough.

William: Did a lot of movie nights with suities / didn’t do a lot of partying.

Zack: I exercised a lot. And yet I still didn’t do enough self-care.

H: Hated

Amanda: YPD, new haven cops, all the classics...

Ananya Asthana: Not openly celebrating people’s accomplishments! I want to know what everyone has done and it took me a long time to unlearn in competitive environments, but now I think we should all do it all the time! (Did you know Arden’s substack was featured by substack?!)

Andrew: Not being able to play basketball for the last 6 weeks with an injured shoulder.

Arden: The week it was so cold I wore two puffers.

Ariel: The amount of gum that I purchased because of the g heav credit card minimum.

Diza: Predatory TikTok tarot readings, Bow Tie Cinema closing, Taylor Swift’s general 2024 PR vibe.

Dona: Not spending enough time outside.

Everett: Hated on the Asian American Cultural Center (they didn’t hire me).

Grace: Living across the street from frat houses. The noise, the loud knocking, those days where they would play Dance Monkey on repeat for 24 hours straight, I’ve had enough.

Isa: Packing in a rush, traveling on low sleep, losing nice skin care at TSA!!!

Isabel: The two week period post spring break.

Iva: There’s a certain level of overwhelming where everything you normally love feels hard to do. It’s the worst, but I think growing up is learning to deal with it the best you can.

Kyra: Living alone 🐣 my roommate went abroad😭😭

Leo: When a prof rejects a proposal to have class outside.

Lidya: I hated not working out consistently :(

Ore: Being forced to talk to people I didn’t like.

Paola: Hated flu season & its demonic repercussions.

Pranava: Shrunken junior friend groups.

Jackie: Hate is a strong word, but I’ve been thinking about how I constantly listen to music - it has become default on any walk between classes, when I’m showering, when I’m making breakfast etc. It feels like a form of brain rot, especially when I listen to the same songs on repeat.

Jackson: Long winters.

Jude: I hated — or rather despised — my cognitive science of linguistics class. While the teacher tried to be as passionate as he could, the topic was mundane, pedantic, and pointless. Plus, why was it the hardest class I’ve taken at Yale!? 0/10 — Do NOT recommend! Should’ve listened to Arden who told me not to take the class in the first place. 🤦‍♂️

Toby: The repetitive cycle of dining hall dinner meals and the seemingly never ending string of “Flounder Francaise” nights.

William: Hated the process of moving out.

Zack: The new Hunger Games movie. So dissapointing.

O: One thing you've quit

Amanda: Womanhood.

Andrew: Weekly personal writing because I didn’t think I had something to say every week. I felt great about not having to force content.

Arden: Showing up early.

Ariel: Planning out all of my meals days in advance.

Dean: Maintaining my digital footprint (oof).

Dona: Reading my texts (reluctantly…)

Everett: I reluctantly quit Mandarin. I was pretty good throughout high school, but I didn’t think I had the time for it in college, and I figured I could always pick it up later. But, I realize that if I stuck with it, I could’ve learned so much and become really good, probably close to fluent by the end of this year. I don’t know any other modern language well. I went back to Trinity, and I saw my Mandarin teacher, and she tried to speak to me in Chinese, and I couldn’t say anything. I forgot everything. I could’ve been really good at it.

Grace: I accidentally quit being a morning person this year. Freshman and sophomore year I would be awake every morning around 7:30AM, and now I’m lucky if I’m up before 9 or 10. It also seems like everyone has quit vaping. Just an observation.

Isa: Breakfast (reluctantly).

Isabel: Pauli Murray breakfast.

Iva: I deleted Instagram from my phone, and now I only go on it on my computer. I feel like I still have the benefits of being on social media, but I’m not addicted in the same way I used to be.

Jackie: I went semi sober this year. I drink way less compared to freshman/sophomore year (although that might change with society next year). It feels like a win-win because I am comfortable having sober fun, but if I want to have a really fun time, my tolerance is so low that one drink will get me flowing.

Jude: I quit reeding.

Kyra: Trends.

Lauren: Coffee (it was making my tummy hurt).

Leo: Pretending I’m above the occasional cigarette.

Lidya: I’ve quit all nighters, one thing about me I’m gonna sleep!

Mason: Complaining, or at least trying to. Life is good. Enjoy it.

Ore: I’ve quit being SUPER future oriented. I try to take things day by day now.

Paola: Quit my student newspaper job to find a summer one. It’s weird to quit a thing you like a lot.

Pranava: Skipping lectures for friends, on purpose, after not going to class for three semesters.

Rachel: I’ve quit taking notes in classes honestly. My brain is my archive.

Sam Brody: I quit TikTok and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My creativity and focus have sky rocketed and my screen time has plumetted. I’ve gotten into creative non-fiction writing and podcasts, and I’m here for it. Normalize deleting TikTok.

Toby: Hiding my love for Playboi Carti songs circa 2018.

William: Quit feeling pressured to drink when everyone else is.

Zack: I stopped participating in all my extracurriculars at school. I needed a hard reset.

C: Couldn't live without

Amanda: Little tasks and beautiful friends.

Andrew: 7.5 (ideally 8) hours of sleep.

Arden: My roommate.

Ariel: Common Grounds (wish it didn’t have to be this way).

Beck: LaTex—has absolutely transformed the way I do psets. And it makes me feel smart 🤓

Chris Esneault: Arden’s Ad hoc.

Diza: Obsessive Letterboxd maintenance, joint food instagram accounts, getting implicated in an annual AACC dating scandal

Dona: Small treats.

Everett: I can’t live without Ad Hoc by Arden Yum.

Grace: Very long dinners

Isa: Ending a long day by laughing really really really hard in Leo’s kitchen.

Isabel: Diet Coke (in the worst way).

Iva: A huge glass of water in the morning right when I wake up. Absolutely life-changing.

Jackie: A sweet treat.

Jude: Unfortunately, I couldn’t live without my AirPods. From morning runs to late night walks to training to the city, my AirPods have become my best friend. While I still adore them, I’m really trying to use them less and listen to the diegetic noise around me. I’m tired of another reason not to be present.

Kyra: Abigail Chachkes. ❤️

Lauren: Matcha (new and improved caffeine source).

Leo: Classical music as a palate cleanser (for my ears).

Lidya: This new Cowboy Carter Album, I’m jamming everyday. 🎶

Mason: House of Naan.

Ore: My beautiful, wonderful friends.

Paola: Could not live without my navy red puffer, Brazilian Bum Bum, the early summer anthem, “Girls” by The Dare, & Sterling Sweetheart, Ariel Kirman.

Phaedra: Elena’s on Orange soft serve. Oh my goodness this is so good. My favourite is Elena’s special - it’s a chocolate shell with sea salt on top and it is life changing.

Pranava: My suitemates and Papa John’s (together at 2 am).

Rachel: Couldn’t live without reading poetry every day.

Sarah Feng: Spotify daylist algorithm.

Toby: My friends and iced oat matchas

William: My suities (suitemates).

Zack: You. The people in my life. I said to a friend this morning that a quality friendship is one where we can never run out of things to talk about, and that silence is not awkward but instead calming and comfortable.

As I was putting this together all I could think was WOW my friends are so SMART and THOUGHTFUL. And thank YOU for reading!! Writing this letter has been an incredible joy.

*Kyra goes to Harvard but I still love her.